I went to look for Marcus, and he taught me Chemistry. Went through some questions with him, and I learnt a lot. Really, a lot. I think he kinda got a heart attack teaching me. He said I was the dumbest person he ever knew )': Okay, I don't mind, really. I've gotten quite used to it already, I suppose.
The next few paragraphs are gnna be some really personal thoughts and feelings, so if you're gnna get real bored, you can just stop here k! :)
I keep telling myself to stop feeling this way, but I can't help it. I find that I'm losing myself these days. Everything's kinda repeating itself, just like how things were, last year. I try not to get too close to you, to the extent where i find myself running away more and more these days. I don't really say hi unless I have to, and I rarely start the conversation with you, even if I desperately want to. Its really something like a shield. Sometimes, when I see you from the corner of my eye, I look away, so I wouldn't see you, and so that way, I wouldn't lose control of my feelings and mind. When I see you walking or passing by, I want so much to call out your name, so you'd turn and wave, but most of the time, I find myself looking away. You see, I know myself. You're so special, and i've never gotten so close to a guy within such a short period of time before. You make me feel so appreciated each time we talk.
But then again, I'm stopping myself from feeling this way. You came into my life in a sort of unexpected way, when I was ready to start a whole new life. When I was sure I no longer liked him. At the beginning, I liked you, only as a friend, nothing more, nothing less. And then..., the feelings deepened, and you almost took that shield of mine away.
You see, I don't wanna fall for you. I don't want to end up like how I was, last year. I fell, and it was really hard to get up from the ground. I don't want to be hurt or whatsoever anymore. It's not like i've never experienced that feeling. I've seen my friends and my cousins cry, over guys, and I feel upset, and a little scared. Its frightening when I start to imagine myself, becoming like them; helpless, destroyed.
Its just that each time we talk, or see each other, I get pretty happy, and I just can't help it. I don't want to hear all the nice stuff and plans you have for me, because i'm afraid things will just turn out to be like how they were last year. It's just so scary. You always seem so confident, unique, and that's why you deserve so much more. Unlike me. I'm shy, dumb, stupid, clumsy, and such a coward. I'm not as strong as you think I am. I won't let you see that side of me though.
So yeah, I know I like you, but I'm not going to reveal it. I'll just keep it in, and let everything fall naturally, and maybe, perfectly.
