I feel like I'm entangled in this mess with another person who's trying to bridge the gap and untangle the knots to get to me while i'm really just trying to run away. My heart wants to go closer but I just can't seem to rid myself of my insecurities about the way i look. I feel like I was getting better on my own with the loving myself and embracing myself part, but the moment he started trying to get close and expressing interest i got scared. i don't know, I think I'm just so afraid of what he thinks of me. I don't want him to think so highly of me or whatever. and i got so intimidated because i find him really attractive. I think i'm really an amateur at this. I keep trying to keep fiona's words in mind, that I'm my worst critic and that I dont see my strengths or what people see in me, but its really hard when the one seeing my reflection everyday is me. man... I feel like i'm sinking back into the dark period in year 5.
But i really dont want to go back to skipping meals and willing myself to shrink! shrink! shrink!
so i wont. but i really am not doing well with the body positivity part :/ how do i put it?? somehow i'm able to acknowledge the same features that others have as a form of beauty they possess, but when it comes to me its hard to regard it as anything other than a flaw
i think i need to truly let go of my insecurities if i want this to work. Because i think i do.
