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I can feel myself losing grip again. Thought I was over it for a while but it turns out that all the exercise and healthy eating did result in weight loss and a toner body and now after three days of binge eating and no exercise in hating my bloated tummy and I'm seeing all the flaws in my body. All the run off lines that don't make sense but I'm really losing it. Today at popo's house gonggong bought me kueh and bread at 10pm and came back at 1020pm telling me he specially walked all the way to the bakery to get it cos I'm his favorite grandchild and that it's really really delicious. But it was 10:20pm and I had already eaten a lot of crap like a whole freaking duke bakery black pearl bread even tho I told myself to stop at half. And he kept guilt tripping me telling me that he got it specially for me and that just a little bit won't make me fat and at that point I just wanted to cry bc I didn't want to put any of it in my mouth. I hate this so damn much. I already shed the weight and I saw the difference in my body but a few days or close to one week of eating shit and I'm ballooning back or so I think. My parents keep asking if I wanna go overseas to bkk or Korea and so many people would kill for this chance to get away but here I am saying I don't want to all bc I'm scared of not exercising and scared of eating. I just want to carve all this excess out. I hate this