Thursday, 2 October 2014

things I've done/ realized in 2014:

(it's just october and the year hasn't come to an end but I doubt I'll come on or find the time to any time soon so... )

  1. I love being alone -- I keep wishing people would leave me alone or that I wouldn't bump into anyone on the way home because that would mean having to make small talk
  2. I am a homely person, I love being home and I love being with my family
  3. I've lost several friends, and I have not been doing a good job at fighting for them
  4. I like dresses :-)
  5. but I still don't have the courage to wear sleeveless tops or dresses because I have fat arms 
  6. I hardly ever care about what people think of me now, but their opinions tend to stay in my mind
  7. I love skirts
  8. I would never have said that last year
  9. I cringe when I think of the person I was last year (I am always, always, always thinking how I would have presented myself differently to Jarod if we met this year instead)
  10. I want to be a teacher
  11. flashing lights, loud club music, jumping and screaming and drinking aren't for me. (I felt so incredibly out of place and intimidated and scared when I went for vlow and vivianne's party)
  12. my god what was I doing there 
  13. I got my first full marks for math in 5 years ^_^
  14. I love math 
  15. the me last year would have gone "REALLY CHIYIN REALLY?? YOU DO NOT LOVE MATH NOBODY DOES, MATH IS IMPOSSIBLE U CAN'T DO MATH"
  16. I've broken down so many times this year because of stress, like woah, it's no joke. One minute I'm fine and the next minute I'm sobbing because of all the negative thoughts
  17. I got Fiona back as a friend
  18. I am so selfish at times I cannot stand myself and my thoughts sigh sometimes I feel like I'm constantly struggling to be a good person with good, pure thoughts when all I am is a hypocrite filled with awful thoughts about people and things
  19. ok maybe not very awful because what I mean by awful is looking at someone and thinking how so much stupidity can go into someone.... lol 
  20. I realized that saying the f word out loud is kinda therapeutic (haha) it actually makes me feel better when I'm all stressed and whatnot
  21. and so in 2015 i am going to start using it more
  22. omigawd it's 1am 
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