Project Pulchritude

Project Pulchritude

Specimen: Female

Name: Unimportant

Age: 22 

Height: 163 centimetres short

Weight: 57 kilograms heavy

Stamp of approval: No

No no, sit down, Miss. Don’t be afraid. 

Let’s see…

With this chisel and scalpel we can cut a little bit of this and carve a little bit of that. We can inject just the right dose of collagen and… what?
Don’t be silly, nothing is ever too much. Ha ha! Have you ever heard of a nimiety of beauty?

Now where was I.

Yes, we will inject this into your neck, suction out the fat and place it in your cheeks just 5cm away from your nose - the perfect distance I must say- to add a tinge of life and youth. While we are at it you may take a look at our April catalogue featuring the most popular hairstyles, hair colours, eyeball dimensions, eye colours, skin tones, feet size, palm size and that’s right! You name it, we’ve got it. Just pick the ones you like the most and voila! We’ll make it happen.

But of course, do look at the prices - we all know that attractiveness and appeal come with a little bit of strain in the purse, don’t we? (Apart from that little physical sting and twinge and pang, of course!)

Okay…how would you like a 12 inch waist - oh? Of course we can shrink it to 10 inches, nothing we cannot do for you. Your breasts will be enlarged to a D cup, of course. How else will you identify as a woman? Your lips? Not to worry, just a tiny bit of collagen and it will be flawless.

Did I mention that alongside this complete 180 degrees transformation or rather, improvement, you stand to receive a teabag of self-worth and 6 tablets of confidence? Ah, I’m afraid we cannot give you any more than that. As you know, progress is not synonymous with success! If you want to be a woman of amaranthine beauty then you must keep coming back. Which is why I need you to sign right here above this dotted line.. yes, riiiiight here.

Goodness, while we are at it, how about opting for a special 2-month treatment to erase the freckles on your wrist and shrink your palm? All it involves is a bit of laser and a teeny bit of crushing of bones that will guarantee you porcelain skin and more feminine features. All you have to do is to tick this box over here and you can look forward to a more aesthetically appealing you!

By the way, how about purchasing our latest voice box off the shelf? It is a lot less husky and boasts a higher pitch than the one you have currently. It comes with a 1 year warranty so if it doesn’t fit, you may exchange it for any of our 320 samples. 

Finally, I will prescribe this medication to you. Two cups of slimming tea along with this strict lifetime diet - remember, no candy, no salt, no fried food, no ice-cream, only dark chocolate and the list goes on - and you will be deemed worthy of society’s stamp of approval as a pretty female specimen. 

Thank you for your time and have a pretty day ahead!