To the me who is sitting on the toilet bowl with trembling hands:
Stop looking at your hands. Close your eyes. Breathe.
1,2,3.
Are you with me?
Now, listen. Not to your heart —
the one that is a wild, loose, unrestrained horse running through a burning prairie —
You will not be consumed
by the very same flames.
Stop fitting your hands around your waist like an
unforgiving corset.
Stop pressing your thighs together and analysing how much
s p a c e
is left between them.
Stop squeezing the skin beneath your chin,
it is just
skin.
Dispose of the 2 digit number in your head,
the one you let define you and your worth.
It is not synonymous with your value —
When will you learn that you are more than your weight,
the size of your thighs, your arms, your waist
and the size of the cloth you use to hide your
flaws?
You are the kindness and sensitivity you value,
the words you inhale,
the ambition you’ve grown with
and an amalgamation of the people you love.
Not an inconstant number on the scale,
nor the reflection you cringe at when you catch yourself
in glass surfaces
You will not hurl ruthless words
to whittle yourself down.
Make yourself an edifice
with brickwork built from soothing words of self-love
and gratitude.
Tame the wild horse inside of you and
learn to ride with it.(Today my mum told me I put on weight. I wrote this before she said it, as a reminder for the person I become when I think ugly and scary thoughts. There are far greater things there are far greater things there are far greater things and I am more than a number, more than the sin that seeps through the gaps between my fingers when I place my hands around my waist. I am more than the size of my thighs and it doesn't matter that my thighs kiss each other when I walk IT DOES NOT MATTER. The only things that matters are the kindness of my heart and the depth of my character. The adjectives "pretty" and "attractive" are thrown around so easily and I've grown accustomed to them but I will never agree or feel this way about myself because I have not learnt to accept myself wholly. Only when I learn to love myself for all that I am will I be okay with loving others and maybe then will I really really feel pretty too)
