I remember that one time after Chinese New Year celebrations in school when I ran down the school stairs because I was so excited to get home, and I almost crashed into Jamie who was equally ready as I was to leave school. I miss walking to the bus stop at kampong arang with her and watching her play with Buffy while waiting for bus 30 -- because of her, I ended up sitting at the void deck of the flat opposite school to play with the stray cats whenever I was on my way home alone. I miss stopping by libraries with her on days we decided we didn't want to go home just yet. I was sorting out my bookshelf last night and I picked up the children's book she gave me for my birthday last year. I remember liking it most out of all the gifts I received because 1) it was a book bought at nlb's book sale. She remembered that I didn't like going to libraries because I didn't like having to return a book if I read it and liked it too much to let go of it, and 2) she was the one who taught me this new way of gifting after a trip to the book sale at KLP where we spent a good 3 hours reading children books. I remember the time she gave me a packet of disney plasters and a strip of disney stickers (both of which I have yet to use because I can't bear to) and it instantly made my day because Jamie has a way of making you know you are special in her life when she chooses to share little things like these with you. There was this one time the lit department invited a poet for lit class to teach us how to write a poem, and I sat there questioning the entire point of the session because he wanted us to write within a time limit before sharing our pieces with the entire class. Come to think of it, it isn't as bad as I thought it was back then. I can't remember what made me feel so lousy that day, but I do remember how I felt inside -- pent up, suffocated and lacking in every aspect. Jamie wrote a haiku for me and she shared it with the class and I thought there and then that I was a very very lucky person indeed, for someone who had and still has the habit of ignoring whatsapp messages and drifting. The last time I saw Jamie was when we met up with the rest of TA for dinner, and I know she's been sad recently and I want so much to make her happy again. I miss going to the beach with her and sitting by the water watching the sky turn from blue to pink to black, and I miss having someone to feel happy over the little things with (like catching the bus in time and how blue the sky is).
And then there's Trina. I miss her because she's leaving for UK in a few days, but I'm happy for her because she's going to chase her dreams and she's going to be free. I'm happy for her because this year has been so good to her (and I) -- we're so different from how we were last year. The us last year were so stressed and so tired and pretty much lifeless physically, and I am so, so, so happy that she met someone who, for the first time, makes her feel all nervous and comfortable and blissful at the same time :~) I still remember when she'd laugh at me for being silly whenever I told her how my heart would beat super quickly and I'd feel like melting into the ground if I liked somebody. "CHEW!! YOU ARE OKAY HE'S JUST A PERSON!!!" hahaha. I think we've come a long way, from the year one us who did not pay attention in Mr Ong's math class and jumped in puddles whenever the ground was wet from the rain. From filling our history notebooks with every colour of the rainbow to speed writing ELL and lit essays in Y5/6, I think it's going to be hard to have to get used to the fact that she's going to be so far away. I'm quite scared too, because she's seen me through my worst days and she's never been afraid of me whenever I let the bad thoughts get to me. Maybe it's because I'm too reliant on her, but she's someone I can be 100% honest with we're so similar and dissimilar at the same time that I know I won't ever find someone else like her. Not that she's leaving forever but sigh I think it's the trna syndrome getting to me.
I miss year 3 and year 4 days when sitting through the last 1h30 minutes of chinese class on 415 days was the toughest because that meant having to pinch myself to stay awake and holding my pee in because li lao shi wouldn't let us go to the toilet and sitting beside Li en meant that I HAD TO STAY AWAKE. I miss failing really badly at staying awake during History and occasionally, Chinese, and waking up to Yifeng throwing paper aeroplanes at my head to tell me "Normal people fall in love, you fall asleep!!!" I miss running out of 3E/ 4E to meet marcus, kennedy and clarence so we could go home together. I miss the days I'd get so annoyed with the three of them when we'd take more than an hour to get from school to the 158 bus stop even though it was right outside the school, all thanks to marcus who had to get food from the canteen and always ended up talking to the drink stall auntie and everyone else he met at the canteen before we could leave. I miss our 158 rides to NEX where we'd always have banmian and sogurt before taking 81 home. I miss overnight studying days with them at the airport, where we'd always end up smelling like macs french fries at the end of it. I remember there was this one time Marcus and I decided to walk around the airport after studying for too long, and we saw so many people sleeping on the ground so we pretended we were in a zombie apocalypse and filmed it down. I miss running man days in school with eds and I miss spinning and rolling on the black box floor after practice.
And then in year 6 even though I lost a bit of myself to the paper chase, I remember looking forward to GP and Lit because sitting beside shu was the highlight of my year. I remember singing disney songs with her in class and pretending we were vloggers. She used to tell me that her dream was to make stickers and sell them, and we could work together because I'd have my youtube account and I could advertise for her. I miss lit classes and consultations with Miss Ng because it meant listening to her talk about her "Chinaman husband" (I quote her) and her calling our class "a bunch of illiterate fools". And there was always TA to look forward to at the end of Wednesdays. I miss walking down to the first floor in the dark with Yifeng, Jamie, Kaili and Natania after practice and lagging behind them only to have them jump out at me from behind a pillar and giving me a huge scare.
now everyday's a rush of this and that and I don't get to see these people a lot anymore :( And kennedy's flying off in december for 2 years, while marcus is prolly going to UK to study after NS.
This is such a whiney post LOL I need to stop. Above all I'm just super thankful that I have Natania, Moh and Lchoo in the same school. Funny how last year I was more than ready to leave dhs but it's the opposite now. I keep going back to visit and each time I do I just want to be around Miss Ng and Miss Hidayah and Mr Loh and Lilaoshi and Mr Lim. And the vegetarian stall auntie. And the uncle who's always in the canteen cleaning. Miss Ng always tells me I look so much happier compared to last year and I know I am in a much happier place now but it seems like I still can't rid myself of this overly sentimental/ emotional side. Time to grow up Chiyin!!!!!!!!
