nirvana

Was thinking about it before falling asleep last night and at breakfast this morning, about why I cried so much when I sent Trina off to UK yesterday. Thought about how the rest probably couldn't comprehend why I was being a sentimental blob when she was going to come back after 7 weeks, which, in hindsight, really isn't a very long time. But I've always been one to suck really badly at saying goodbye and I cry too easily. SOmetimes/ most of the time I wish I was better at reigning in my emotions because I cry when I'm stressed/ sad/ around people who are crying/ watching sad dramas/ reading sad books and occasionally when I'm happy, and I often wonder if it comes across as being weak :(

Thought about it more and felt increasingly hollow inside so i told myself to go to sleep. I think I miss her more than I thought I would.

Also, Audrey said I looked very happy recently- quite ironic because I'm pretty sure I looked more like the SG version of Rudolph coupled with swollen goldfish eyes than happy. But I agreed with her anyway and told her that everything's been well:) decided to count my blessings and figured that there have actually been a number of things I've been grateful for:

• The other night after Angel-Mortal revelation I was lying on the floor feeling lazy and procrastinating bathing time (as usual) when Thaddy knocked on my door. Turns out both Thaddy and XL were standing outside and when I asked them what they were doing at such a late time, they told me they just wanted to come hang :> which made me very happy because I do enjoy their company a lot. So we ended up talking for about an hour and a half before they left and walked back to C block. Then Thaddy came back to visit after I bathed and we studied in the lounge for a while and talked until about 4 in the morning:)

•  Before the revelation, I met Natania at utown and we sat at town green talking and sharing a box of jackfruits. 

• Yifeng came to NUS to visit Lchoo, Moh and I last week! Was so excited to see him and I couldn't stop smiling even when I was on D2. Moh happened to be waiting at the bus stop outside the museum so she ended up boarding the same bus. I was trying my hardest to control my smile but I just couldn't contain my excitement haha. We had lunch and walked around the school after that and for a while, just for a while, it didn't feel like school anymore. Used to think the school was really huge and that I'd probably never get to feel as suffocated as I used to in DHS during A levels period but I figured that no matter how spacious NUS is, it ultimately still is a school and it gets stifling after a while.

•  Had our first house event!! Google maps did a horrible job with guiding us/ me to West Coast Park but we made it there anyway. Then house comm went to Swee Choon for supper after that!! The tiny voice in my head wasn't as persistent as it used to be and I enjoyed myself so there :> Got back and decided to watch Train to Busan in the lounge since there was no point in sleeping when we had to get up at 6 for Coastal Cleanup. 

• Coastal Cleanup was fun because I managed to sit beside Youwai on the way there and back! And we had a mini karaoke session on the bus ride back to NUS. He's another person I'm really glad I got the chance to know better :) Had lunch with Atlas people and then headed back to my room to clean and pack because there was a family gathering at ahyi Lena's house. Sat on my bed and the next thing I knew it was 4pm and I was lying face up. Rushed off to yck and ahyi came to pick me. I love it when the whole family gets together and I love how the house gets so noisy and alive because the little (not so little anymore actually) kids are always running here and there, and my popo and ahyis are always so happy when they're together. 

• Went for the monologue slam with Trina on Sunday! Managed to pass Jamie the stuff I got her and I'm glad she likes it as much as I do :)