nirvana

In between the final segment of dinner tonight -- a plate of prata Dylan and I shared after our individual Western options, we launched into a discussion about our biggest flaws and whether we suffered from FOMO. We concluded that no, we do not suffer from FOMO unless the event or outing involves people from our inner circle, and that a common flaw we share is jealousy. It still sounds so childish as I type it out, haha. But yea, we compare ourselves to others, we get envious and jealous, we want to be better, yadda yadda sigh so childish.

Then he asked me if I thought he was an open book, to which I said "yes" and noticed when he gave me that usual judgmental pervy look HAHA I can totally picture it in my head. And thennn I continued by saying "yes, but only seemingly so. You appear to be an open book to strangers, but you only show the real and intimate parts of you to a select few." His expression changed completely and I don't know why but I felt quite happy when he said "YES THAT'S WHAT I WAS WAITING FOR." I think it was a nice fuzzy feeling knowing that we're both in each other's inner circles even though it's unspoken :>

I asked him if he thought I was an open book, and his reply went something like this:

him: you?? no way. You're completely closed

me: really?? I thought I was less closed as compared to before

him: no way. You're not open at all to people you aren't close to

me: mm true. I think I can only really be myself around people I feel comfortable around. That's bad I think

Which made me think about what Tricia told me sometime ago in Year 5, that I was quite a complex person. It made me quite sad back then I remember, probably because some obviously bigger-than-teeny-tiny part of me wanted to appear warm and amiable and easy to be around with. Always wanted to be someone strangers could warm up quickly around, probably because Marcus was someone like that and I looked up to my best friend for all his good qualities, one of which being the ability to captivate the interest of those around him. And maybe back then I associated "complex" 

with "difficult" and "bad". Sometimes I don't know if I miss the me in junior high when it was effortless to blend in with the loud crowd and when I clearly had more friends than I do now. 

Then again, I wouldn't trade my independence for anything. Used to be so dependent and afraid of being seen alone that it brings goosebumps to my skin thinking about it. If there's anything I can say I really like about myself, it's probably my ability to be alone and relish in me-time

Met Marcus and Kennedy yesterday before heading back to school!!!!:> I think it says a lot when I run/ walk reaaaaally quickly towards them each time I see them in the distance. I'm always so excited at the sight of them but it really sucks each time we say goodbye nowadays (so mushy LOL but i can't think of any other way to say this without making it sound like a korean drama ost song title). Miss being able to go home together almost every other day, overnight airport study sessions and having random IKEA / NEX trips as and when we felt like it :( I haven't seen Clarence in months :(

Nevertheless, I'm glad I managed to see them because it definitely helped to put a good start to my week hehe. i love my best friends i really do

Speaking of which,

would you look at the amount of pumpkin auntie gave me?????? Confession: I plan my position in the queue so that auntie will be the one taking my order hAHA. It alternates between auntie and uncle and it always pays off cos auntie is way more generous and friendlier and I love friendly aunties. Today she guessed my order correctly and WINKED when she scooped the huge serving of pumpkin onto my plate. IT OFFICIALLY MADE MY TUESDAY.

And that's Ming en! My night time study buddy/ talk rubbish and occasionally deep stuff good friend:> yesterday we stayed up to study and then we decided to go for a walk because we needed a breather. But I don't think we've learned from our lesson cos each time we say we're gonna go for a walk, we ALWAYS end up at 7-11. Last night we ended up having a long talk outside 7-11 after getting his curry rice and our packets of soy milk + overpriced but very yummy hanjuku eggs. It was very nice indeed. It, as in, the whole thing -- eating and talking and then dragging ourselves back to study:)

Last week was good too! I can't remember much about it except for Thursday and Friday because those were my favourite days of the week :-)

On Thursday we had our last floorball session and it was bittersweet but admittedly more bitter for me because I really really REALLY like my team mates and Mr Desmond so much. Then had dinner with You Wai, Wanqing and Tchea Yu before meeting Seng Leong to get his groceries. Really really like being in his presence a lot. He makes me think a lot in my head but I am also weirdly happy around him it is really quite gross LOL

Then came back to study with Ming En but we ended up scrolling thru FB and stalking ourselves. I, apparently, for some strange reason, have multiple private albums that are FILLED with narcissistic and cringe-worthy selfies of myself. We spent a good 2 hours scrolling through and laughing at those pictures and all the other emo nemo FB status updates. My favourite part was when he told me about his childhood days and all the memories he made with his friends. Also, we figured that he's a demisexual HAHA.

 Friday was HHN day with F4 :-) It's been 3 HHNs since we created our group name and I'm glad we stuck to this yearly tradition:))) felt like taiwan all over again. On Saturday morning I trained back to the east with Djohari :') Managed to see/ spend time with people I love being around so yup, my heart was full ^_^

Also had a good tuition session with Cindy on Sunday. She always makes me so happy and every Sunday after class I always always always feel like fast forwarding time to when I'm happily married with kids LOL

OKay I'll probably come back to update this post when I'm free because WHY DO I ALWAYS COME ON WHEN I HAVE SOMETHING DUE THE NEXT DAY

it's close to 2am and I have not bathed.