I find it really sad that people actually hate people. I don't know, its hating your own kind. But we can't blame them too, after considering how the world is filled with some horrible people. So today's post will be a rant because I'm feeling upset/angry and I just went to tumblr and saw pictures of slashed wrists, so yup. And the gifs of people sobbing because they were insecure didn't help either.
I'm not trying to say I'm an expert at this, but if you look around you, there are lots of people who seem happy on the outside, yet they're broken on the inside. Its really scary how words have the ability to hurt someone so hard, to the extent where they get destroyed inside out. Words have the ability to do more than actions, but how many of us know this??? Even if we do, how many of us practice it????
Insecurities.
We will never be able to understand ourselves. We're so complex a system that despite breaking down inside, we swallow all our emotions and hide them all so the world can't see. And then there's the part where we want people to know certain things, but we refuse to say the words out. Same goes for the things we want, we're so fickle minded, sometimes we question ourselves what we really want.
Yet again, why do we hide our emotions?? Why do we even find ourselves broken at times?? Do we deserve all these? NO.
We all have insecurities, each and everyone of us. Not good enough, not smart enough, not tall enough, not skinny enough, not fit enough, not popular enough, not strong enough.... & the list goes on.
I don't think its wrong to have insecurities, because they remind us who we are and that we're not 100% perfect. Nobody will ever be perfect enough, because firstly, you can never be happy enough. When you're not happy, you aren't perfect either.
Even if people think you're pretty, smart, skinny, sporty and well, perfect, you can NEVER please everyone. Even for those standing around you, sometimes you don't know who's faking a smile and who's not.
Insecurities hurt, but we need them, in a way. Because of them, there's no second copy of "you". You are you, and every scar you have, be it emotionally or physically, makes you who you are today. But why do we see people suffering so much so that they are willing to hurt themselves further to forget about the pain in the first place??
People.
People, or perhaps, we, are too selfish and mean. You know why? Because we are society and society is us. The thing about us is, we tend to put others down each time we find ourselves imperfect. Each time we find ourselves flawed, we compare ourselves to others and talk about their flaws too. But that's the problem. That's the problem as to why insecurities destroy us. They don't destroy us, the people around us do.
The thing is, we don't know when to just shut up and stop talking. We babble on and on thinking that we're all mighty and better, but that's the problem!! We hurt others in the process, and this cycle never ends. Even when its just a simple, "eew you're so ugly", it hurts. The word "ugly" can tear someone up into pieces because NOBODY WANTS TO BE CALLED UGLY. I don't even know how people can joke about this. All those are just excuses, and you know it. Excuses which are so lousy, they aren't even substantial to save your compassion. Excuses like "Oh I didn't mean it! I was just kidding!"
WHAT THE HECK? YOU WERE KIDDING? OH WOW THANKS I THOUGHT YOU MEANT IT FOR A MOMENT.
If you were kidding all this while, why do you even make it a joke?? Is it fun to experiment with feelings and emotions and mess up lives even if its just for a minute??? Wait, in the first place, who gave you the right to do so?
On Youtube videos, even, people are always having online fights and being keyboard warriors. I hate it when some go, "I wish you'd just die and rot in hell". Seriously, if you ask me, people under the "some" category should stop and start reflecting on their character. Before doing anything I believe you should question yourself if you have the right to do so, or not. How can you determine whether or not someone should die and rot in hell just because his/her singing is annoying you so much?! GET A LIFE.
Insensitivity.
Insensitivity is another thing I absolutely hate and detest from this point of the earth and back. What makes you think that after insulting someone, he/she can pretend everything's fine?
Well you're wrong. Because even after laughing your joke off, that someone has a little voice at the back of his/her head, constantly reminding him or her about your cruel judgmental words. And that little voice doesn't go away easily; it sticks to you like a leech.
The worst thing is, when you see that he/she is already affected AND YOU CONTINUE DOING SO.
Its not funny, and I can say this because this has happened to me before and no, for the record I did not like it a single bit. In the beginning, its amusing, but there's a limit to everything. When you see that someone keeping quiet or telling you to stop, YOU JOLLY WELL STOP.
I don't even get it you know, people like doing this in big groups. And what hurts the most is that after having your fun, you start noticing that someone and you ask, "What happened?? Why so emo?"
Can someone like knock some sense into that puny head of yours? How about we reverse roles and I open my huge mouth so you have the privilege of feeling how i felt? Oh there are even some people who, even asking what happened, continue laughing and making everything seem like a joke.
(Is there something wrong with your sense of humour or are you plain dumb)
The least you could do is stop laughing and stop living in that world of yours where your insults are harmless.
And even after knowing about your true feelings, they start pushing the blame to you saying:
1) It was just a game! We wanted to have fun with you, we didn't mean it!
2) We always do that what! I thought you always played along? Why today so petty?
3) You should've told us earlier, not just dropped us hints, how would we know you felt this way?
So you wnna know the responses to these FAQ?
1) Game? Have fun? We can have loads of fun playing other proper games.
2) Always?????? Well so yeah, this is the limit and I'm sick and tired of hiding my hurt behind the facade of happiness I always show. Sorry if it makes me seem petty, but well, you've hurt my confidence as a person.
3) well how about those times I said "Hey guys stop it already, it isn't funny"? Isn't it obvious enough when someone drops hints? Like when you notice he/she has gone all silent? KNOW YOUR LIMITS BRO. Really, stop when you should.
Fat/ugly/stupid
There have been times when I look in the mirror and think, "I feel beautiful today"
But sometimes after I come back from school I feel the total opposite simply because someone dropped a negative comment on me. Example?
"Ohmygosh chiyin you're so fat already, yet you're still eating?"
"Chiyin, the day you actually get a husband I'll laugh"
"Chiyin, your face is such a sore to look at"
I know the people who say these to me are just kidding, but sometimes it hurts me so deeply. I don't know how to describe the feeling I get after hearing all these. But from what I know, its because of such comments that destroy someone's self-esteem so hard, sometimes it takes ages to recover. I haven't gone through this stage, but I know people who've been there or still are in this phase. For my friends who say these, we're close, and I know they're just playing around, that's why I try not to get affected too hard but I'll admit something here anyway. Sometimes, when I'm used as a topic, I get all silent not because I'm mad at y'all, but because I start thinking, so much so that I feel so lousy at myself.
"For beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness"
We're getting too hateful these days, I think. We need to start loving again. Honestly, sometimes seeing all these slashes or hearing my friends speak of how they're dieting because they are FAT makes me sick. Its not their fault, but where have all the kindness in the world gone???? I'm not 100% kind, I know that. I'm not the type to like everyone because yes, misunderstandings occur and we start disliking others. But the thing I'm sure of right now is,
I am going to change. And isn't that the most important? Because surely, I didn't type all that out simply to rant. If that's the case, I'm just being a number 1 example of being all mighty and righteous when I'm not even perfect. Words can really change somebody's life forever, instead of bringing someone down, why can't we make someone's day?
I read this from tumblr:
No one should be forced to the point of an eating disorder or depression.
No one should feel judged and insecure just walking down the street.
Girls shouldn't have to starve themselves, or to be bullied into believing that perfection is on the outside.
Not all boys should be classified under the category "jerks"
So true.
Its like, if you have nothing good to say, keep your comments to yourself. In the future, before I myself jump into making someone feel bad, I'll think about the consequences following my comments.
Well, this is officially the longest blog post I've ever done. I didn't do it because I needed to, I did it because I wanted to. Before this post, I remember feeling so horrible inside, I was on the verge of exploding. But now, I feel so much more relieved :)
By the way, you may want to watch this: -> (It's a tumblr video) <- Just click on the bracketed words, in case you don't know its a link :) I remember watching it sometime in February, but I went to search for it in my tumblr "liked" posts. Its one of the best videos I've ever seen. This guy, is amazing.
Goodnight :)
