Hello :)
Decided to do a short post since I haven't been coming on as often as in the past. Anyway, life's been pretty much fast paced for me ever since the June holidays ended. To be honest, I never quite expected myself to feel so lost and empty so often in July. Well, I did expect it to be a busy and tough month, but there have been moments where I'd be on the bus and thinking, "Wow, I made it through today." And its like, the feeling's just sorta scary, because you're pretty much unaware of what's been going on in your life.
Litup's in less than 2 weeks; 12 days, to be exact. Handover's this coming Sunday, and its just this wave of emotions that's replaying in my mind. How should I put it? There have been times where I just wanted to give up on the play, and every single thing. I dreaded going to school because that meant sitting in class and trying my best to cope, and going for EDS after school. I didn't like the feeling I got when my juniors asked me what to do next. Its as if I feel the strong need and responsibility to give them an answer, but when even I don't know, that feeling is like.......... Its just as if you're all alone, helpless and vulnerable. However, all the year 3s want this to be a memorable experience for all the year 2s, just like how it was for us, last year. And that is what's pushing me forward to do even better despite all the stressful moments.
Handover? To be really really really honest, I'm not looking forward to it at all. The games we've spent so much time and effort on, I'm actually anticipating it. But when I think of the part where the seniors pass down their roles and step down, I can't help but feel so, so, so, sad. And its not the usual kind of "sad", its literally like a sad kind of sad. I can't use words to describe it either.
But in this post, I just want to say how grateful I am to have really amazing juniors and the best year 3 batchmates I could ever hope for. Through this period, I believe we've gotten stronger as one, and that's really something I'm thankful for. There have been times when all of us just felt like breaking down and giving up, but you know what???? There's something each and every one of us know, even if we don't say it out loud. And that is, we aren't alone. In times of darkness, I find my EDS mates for help and direction. How should I put it? My seniors, juniors, batchmates, EDS, its always been a place of comfort. When I was going through perhaps the most confusing, exhausting, hardest moments in DHS, I always had EDS to fall back on. Today, when Jinghao asked me if I ever regretted entering DHS, I answered, "yes." Really, sometimes I picture myself leaving the school and everything behind, but when I think of EDS, everything's all different. Its not something I'll let go of easily.
To the year 3s, I know how hard it is to act all strong in front of the juniors when inside you're breaking into pieces, but please just remember, you were and aren't and never will be alone. Among us, we've not simply shared memories made from EDS, but also memories made from the long rides home, the emotional or fun talks we have, the outings we go on, the online chats we have, the phonecalls we've had. Like what the seniors told us and what we told our juniors, "You'll find some of your best friends here, in EDS."
There's not enough words to describe how much y'all mean to me. I'm serious, I'd do so much more for all of you. And at this point of time, I'm thankful to have so many wonderful people behind me. Hang in there guys! Handover will be a memorable on for our seniors, especially for all the things they've done for us. And as for Litup, let's give one another time and space, and try not to stress ourselves out.
"Be at peace, not in pieces."
:)
