Its so hard to feel happy nowadays........
Half of the time I'm half happy, and the rest of the time I'm just tired and sad and angry and a whole load of other feelings.
I feel like giving up, I honestly feel like doing so.
Its so so so so hard, to get through this hell hole. I wanna tell someone about this, and I've thought of somebody already, but she's got her own problems as well. This kind of helplessness is horrible. Not like they'd understand anyway.
1) I'm jealous of her, she's got almost everything she's ever wanted. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing them to her.
2) I shouldn't be feeling that way at all.
3) I'm stressed out, with the common tests, my homework, eds, sleep, every single thing.
4) I'm feeling so depressed even when I'm with them.
5) Even if I feel happy, it lasts only for that moment, and then it disappears.
很辛苦 很辛苦 很辛苦 很辛苦
Its so tough and everything just hurts.
I don't know how to feel anymore. I'm confused and everything's just swirling around me, I can't seem to find my way out. I'm breaking inside and its so hard to do anything.
I don't have any motivation left. I wanted something so badly and yet I've failed at it.
You know how that hurts? Having to pretend everything's fine, and that I'm happy with everyone, it freaking sucks. I can't even be honest here. Everybody's just fake and fake and fake.
I keep telling myself not to let myself be affected by you, but really, its exhausting me. You never treat me the way you treat them.
if you tell me that's because you aren't that close to them and all the other bullshit talk, then I really wanna just be your friend. I don't need to be anymore than that, if it makes you appreciate me more.
I'm just tired of having to do things for people when they hardly even make me happy nowadays. I'm tired. I'm human too you know?? I just don't get how you can make me feel like a really important person to you at one moment, and just a piece of trash at another time. Even up to now, I can't be 100% honest with my feelings.
On a brighter note, I'm just happy I have him. Really regret not realizing it earlier. The feeling I get around him is just..... refreshing and simply amazing. Its the kinda feeling where you know you're loved.
Its as if there's this fire within me that's burning so badly its tearing me apart. Most of the time when I'm around them I'm just biting my lips to prevent those emotions from coming back.
I just wanna wash my hands off everything, spend just ONE day by myself doing something I like doing, and being somewhere I wanna be. I'm not even asking for much. Just one day.
Damn.
